Sunday, March 28, 2010

Life Creates Crooked Scars

My life is one big crooked scar. It hasn't turned out the way I wanted or planned. There have been twists, turns, and even complete 180's. Old dreams have given way to new dreams, unforeseen opportunities have arisen, and along the way I've had a been changed.

Often we get "physical scars" because we've been stupid, careless, or chosen to ignore the warning signs. Then we will have those times in our lives where a physical scar has been made so that we can it can correct a problem.

In many ways our "life scares" parallel our "physical scars." We've been stupid and careless when it comes to our heart, emotions, and the feelings of others. We ignored warning signs and advice and have ended up paying the price for that. And then there are those scars we get so that we can heal something else. It may have a bad breakup that showed us that we were trying too hard to be somebody we're not, a job we didn't get to make us see that we would be happy doing something else, or even a fault that we didn't realize we had.

Our "physical scars" will eventually heal and fade over time--so does our "life scars." Our "scars" may not longer hurt us, they are always there. We have those "scars" we wear as a sort of badge of pride reminding us of what we've been through and how we've learned, but we've also got those "scars" that we so painful to acquire that we hope to banish them to the darkest corner of our minds and never bring them up again.

And yet the most important thing I've come to realize about my "life scars" is that they give my life character. My life would be boring without them. While often these "scars" have forced me to grow and learn at times I didn't want too, I wouldn't trade them in. And most importantly, miraculously I know that every time I get a new "scar" it will heal.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Silent Stalker

I'm a silent stalker. I stalk on facebook, twitter, and blogs. I read about the your lives and the lives of your friends and the best part is nobody knows I'm stalking them. Why? because I don't leave a trail. I don't hit that "like" button and I don't comment on your new projects or the exciting news in your life. Which is ironic since I love receiving comments. I love knowing that what I'm posting isn't going out into the vast internet black-hole. So I'm going to try and emulate all those who post comments. But if I fall back into my old habits, remember I'll still be silently stalking. :)

Monday, March 08, 2010

They say Ireland is a magical place

Saw this movie over the weekend.

It made me homesick.

It also made me want to move to England (or Ireland, or Scotland, or Wales),
find a bloke of my own, and fall in love.

Wednesday, March 03, 2010

Happy Birthday Sara

Happy 22nd birthday Sara! I don't know how I lucked out to have gotten such a wonderful sister-in-law. The bar has been set high for all my future sister-in-laws!

From the moment, Spencer first talked about Sara I knew she was a special girl and it's true.

Here's what I think is so amazing about you.

1. Your willingness to join our family. :) Every since the first moment, you've jumped in full force.

2. Your laughter. When you start laughing it's contagious.

3. Your sense of humor. Your humor matches our dry Orton humor. But I've watched you deal with many of life's unpleasant moments with laughter instead of tear.

4. Your strength. No matter what is thrown at you, your able to deal with it. The trials you've faced have shaped you into the woman you are.

(This picture typifies your love of life that I had to include it)

5. Your love of life. You've got this knack for making every moment matter.

6. Your sweetness. You are concerned with everybody around you and making sure that all are included and feel welcomed.

7. Your many talents. It seems that everything you do you do it well--whether it be cooking, creating, or playing the recorder.

8. The fact that you can pull of sweatpants and somehow still look fabulous. (A talent I totally envy).

9. That you bring out the best in Spencer. I've watched Spencer mature and grow in ways that I know you're the reason for, he's truly blossomed under your love.

10. Your testimony. Your depth and commitment to the gospel are impressive and have given me a glimpse of the fabulous mother you will be.

So Happy Birthday! Here's hoping that 22 will be everything you've hoped for and dreamt of!

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

It's been one of those months

It's official--I HATE FEBRUARY! Really, what good things happen in February? It's dark, cold, and all around depressing. And I don't know why, but this February has been worse than normal.

I should have taken it as a sign that February wasn't going to be my month when my car got hit, in the parking lot, while I was running errands. Much like the earthquake in Chile shifted the earths axis, that crash shifted my universe and set into motion a series of unfortunate events

Because of the hit, I once again found myself without a car. (Loved my BMW to death, but I found myself without a car on a surprisingly frequent basis).

My switch for the back window broke last year and I refused to pay $600 dollars to have it fixed, (duct taped window is always a classy look) but when the body shop said they could do it for $200, I was willing to have it fixed. Three weeks later all I had to show for it was the panel of my door removed, and two trips into the body shop to see if the part they ordered fit--none of them ever did.

As I was coming home from my class two weeks ago my car was making a strange clicking noise and my check engine light came on. One thing I can say for my car is that it's very dependable...every five months something else breaks down. I took it in only to receive the bad news that my timing chain would need to be replaced. Do you know how expensive it is to fix a timing chain on a BMW? It's not worth it. So for the second time in three weeks I found myself without a car and deciding if I needed to wash my hands of the car I had paid off only a year before.

During that next week of being carless my ride to a ward activity forgot me, I got a cold from walking home from work, I had to wear my glasses when my eyes reacted to my contacts, I had one of the worst cases of acne, and I could feel my ankle losing all the muscle and strength I had spent the last couple of weeks rebuilding.

Right there was enough to make most people want to throw in the towel, but my month didn't end there. Two of the best events are still to come.

I'm taking a class and needed to be downtown by six for it. I was to catch the 5:10 train which would drop me off at temple square with enough time to get a bite to eat. I missed the 5:10 train and when the next trax train arrived I didn't even look at it's final destination--the U. I took the only available seat on the train, only to realize I was sitting next to an openly gay young adult who was talking to someone on the phone about his relationship with his lover. Yuck! I was so intent on reading my book to block out my neighbor, that we almost arrived at the U before I realized that I've been on the wrong train the whole entire time. My class doesn't start for ten more minutes and I think that there may just be enough time to catch the westbound train and grab something to eat. I've only ridden the west bound train once before and I sitting backwards and not being able to read the poster of the stops wasn't doing me any favors. As I was sitting there, a homeless teenager asked if he could use my phone to call his friend to pick him up. I told him he could, but that I would need my phone at the next stop. The next stop came and he was still on the phone. By the time I was able to get my phone back, the doors were closed and wouldn't open. I got off at the next stop and realize that the closet place to get something to eat was two block back--by my stop. By now it's already six and I know that I'll have to run--not something I'm supposed to do quite yet. I run the two blocks back, order a quick sandwich and then begin my trek across Temple Square with a sandwich in one hand and all my books in the other. By the time I arrive to my class, I'm twenty minutes late, my ankle is killing me, and I don't have time to prepare for my class presentation.

Halfway through the class I realize that I am on the verge of tears. I very seldom cry and to do so in public and in front of a bunch of strangers is out of character.

The month ended on a positive note--I bought a car. It's under warranty, I got a screamin' deal, and they took my totally useless BMW and gave me money for it. All I had to do was to get my BMW to the dealership. I could have driven it down, but I was so afraid that my timing chain would go out on the ride down and that if it did I would no longer get the money promised for the trade-in. So I did the responsible thing, I got to work early so I could leave by three to pick up my door panel from the body shop, vacuum out my car, and meet the tow truck at the 4pm tow time. At three thirty the tow truck said that he would be late but should be there by five fifteen. Since my family was doing dinner at 6:30 I figured it would be best to head down before the tow truck guy and get the paperwork I need to fill out, filled out. When I got to the dealership at 5:30 I called the towing company to see where they were. He said that they were just loading the car onto the truck and would be there soon. 6:15 rolls around and there is still no sign of the guy and I've driven that road enough times to know that it doesn't take 45 minutes to get from Holladay to American Fork so I call him again. This time he says that he's in Sandy and will be there shortly. At this rate I'm thinking that I'll still be able to batch my family for dinner. 6:45 rolls around he's still not here, so I call again and get no answer. 7, 7:10, 7:20 roll around and still no tow truck. He finally rolls in at 7:40 and I've still need to have the car inspected. I'm finally able to leave the dealership at 8 at which time my family is no longer at dinner and I've almost burst into tears for the second time in a week.

I'm only hoping that my world rights itself soon.