I'm the queen of half-written, almost done blog posts. I've got more than I care to admit--cough, cough, 65--drafts just waiting for the world to read them. And they should be read because most of them are good. Really good actually.
I didn't used to be like this. Leaving things half finished. . . . well, at least not to this extent. But as I've become an adult and more and more things have required my time, I've found myself saying "I'll get around to that later." But life happens and later become six months or six years and I'm nowhere closer to starting or finishing those things I wanted to do. This feeling that things that I have to do in life--clean the car, pay bills, grocery shopping, dating--are getting in the way of things I want in life--making memories, more time with friends and family, and becoming a better person--are some of the reasons why I decided this year to "go on an adventure."
As of today, I'm a third of the way through this year's adventure. What?!! Really?!! The calendar is lying, right?!! I don't want to be a third of the way through this adventure. There is still so much I want to do and I'm not sure if I'll ever have
another opportunity for such intense focus. It's been made very apparent that the life I want requires me to jump at opportunities. To do that something right away instead of wishing and
worrying, and regretting. To be bold. To have courage. To be willing to be strong--and to be vunerable. Some are coming along better than others.
This type of life also means that I to have to let go. As some of the most important things I want in my life are not within my grasp, I've held tighter to the ones that are. To realize that I'll never get around to tailoring that bag of clothes sitting on my closet floor and that's ok. That not doing a project that's staring me in the face doesn't make me a bad person. To let go of the guilt I feel when I choose to catch up with a friend instead of attending another fireside. Or, heaven forbid skipping FHE to do laundry so that I can attend a ward temple night. Learning to let go is a lot harder than I thought it would be--but it's been liberating. You all should try it.
Gandhi's Top 10 Fundamentals for Changing the World are just as applicable to changing oneself--and I love them. It perfectly sums up what I'm not only wanting to do with my corner of the world, but even more important what I want to do with myself. To take control, to live for the moment, to let insensitive comment roll off my back, and to try to remember that we're all evolving and growing and as such we aren't going to be perfect.
Being unfinished is exactly what the gospel of Jesus Christ is all about. It's doing what we can to change, but more importantly it's allowing Him to help us to grow and to become our true self. One that's free from doubt and fear and longing.